Home News Tech Slog AM: Epstein’s Autopsy Results, India Shuts Off Kashmir’s Internet, Please Stop Eating ‘Sexy Pavement Lichen’ – TheStranger.com

Slog AM: Epstein’s Autopsy Results, India Shuts Off Kashmir’s Internet, Please Stop Eating ‘Sexy Pavement Lichen’ – TheStranger.com

For the last time, it wont solve your ED, Carl!!

For the last time, it won’t solve your ED, Carl!! mgfoto/Getty Images

Something’s in the water at this Brier grocery store: Who says lightning can’t strike twice? Brier Grocery sold a winning lottery ticket on July 18 worth $12.2 million. Then, on August 8, the store sold another winning ticket. This time it was worth $120,000. A slight difference in jackpot totals. Even though these are the first jackpot wins for the store, Brier Grocery’s zip-code is one of the luckier zip-codes in the state. Ten percent of people win something. The statewide average is 9 percent so don’t get too excited.

Something is literally in Malaysia’s water: And it’s turning the fish gay! According to an expert, chemicals in the water are changing fish’s hormones and making them lust after the same sex or even turning them “transexual.”

A little Epstein morsel to wet your whistle: Nibble on this. Jeffrey Epstein, the financier charged with human trafficking and having sex with minors, was found dead in his cell on Saturday from an apparent suicide. An autopsy revealed broken bones in his neck. There was a break in a bone near the Adam’s apple which can occur if someone hangs themselves but is more commonly a result of death by strangulation. The coroner has yet to declare the official cause of death.

Renton police officer allegedly assaulted confidential informant: Tanuj Soni, a Renton police officer of eight years, was arrested Saturday after allegedly hitting and sexually harassing a confidential source, according to the Seattle Times. What allegedly went down is Soni invited his source to a park to discuss something about a case she was working on with him. She arrived, he had wine, they drank for a few hours, and then he told her to take off her clothes. That’s when he got physical and starting hitting her. Police intervened later when the woman ran for help and called 911. Soni will appear in court on August 28.

Philly police had to deal with a shootout and heckling: Which was worse? Hard to say. Six Philadelphia police officers were shot during a shootout with a suspect in North Philadelphia last night. Chase mentioned it in PM. All officers are expected to live. But, what came to light after the fact is that while the police were in a life-threatening situation, bystanders were laughing and yelling at them.

A lonely car crash this morning: Look at this driver standing alone in a sea of cars. The crash seems to be getting cleared now so it will probably be a non-issue by the time you read this.

Stabbing near UW: Last night at around 7 p.m., someone was fatally stabbed near the University of Washington’s law school. Police are searching for suspects.

Sorry, it seems like there’s only crime news this morning: Here’s another bad crime from yesterday. Don’t be this guy. Or, be this guy in the can-afford-eight-smart-phones way. Not the distracted driving way.

Could Bellevue go nuclear? I can probably count on one hand the people I know who are ready for a nuclear renaissance and all of them are my brother. But, Bellevue’s TerraPower, founded by Bill Gates, is trying to make nuclear power better. The reactor they’ve spent 11 years cooking up would only have to be refueled every 20 to 60 years, which feels kind of like a big gap. It would produce 80 percent more waste than other reactors, the biggest environmental threat of nuclear energy (besides some Chernobyl shit). They want to build in the U.S. since China is no longer an option after this whole trade war drama, but the regulations aren’t in nuclear power’s favor yet.

Keep your fans on: This heat is here to stay.

Kashmir is helpless after India shuts down its internet access: India decided unilaterally to cut off Kashmir and Jammu’s autonomy last week. The region “is claimed by both India and Pakistan and has long been a source of tension,” according to the New York Times. To that end, India has started an “informational blockade” and has cut Kashmir off from not only the rest of the world but basic functions of everyday life. Insulin is running out because doctors can’t order it online, prescriptions can’t be filled, ATMs don’t work, and the available landline phones are in high demand.

Beto is back: After pausing his campaign to mourn for his hometown of El Paso, Beto O’Rourke is hitting the road again.

Don’t eat the “sexy pavement lichen”: Experts are warning New Zealand men to stop consuming this lichen that contains libido-boosting substances. Men are gobbling up the street’s offerings to boost their boners and jostle their johnsons. Though this street plant may have similar effects to a little blue pill, it also contains contaminants like urine, exhaust, and lead.

Stocks rise again: Yesterday, the DOW tanked 800 points. It jolted the country. Everyone could see the next recession on the horizon. Today, stocks are back up after the Chinese government made a conciliatory statement that seemed to lessen the blow of the trade war between the U.S. and China in the eyes of investors. Retail sales are also up in the U.S. But the bond market is anticipating the recession still.

Trump is encouraging Israel to ban U.S. Congresswomen: There’s a congressional delegation visit in Israel on Sunday. Trump is encouraging Israel to ban Reps. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich.) and Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) from the country. This is disgusting.

Berlin’s gay penguins are dads now: They’ve been given custody of an orphaned egg. Skipper and Ping have been (unsuccessfully) trying to hatch stones and fish. Now they can be real dads.

The hubris of man has gotten out of control: We are spitting in the face of the divine. “Pumpkin Spice Spam to drop this fall.”

Almost: Live footage of the stock market climbing again only to end in RECESSION and DESTRUCTION.

Tonight’s best Seattle entertainment options include: A show with “post wave ice cream pop” band Secret Superpower, a memoir reading with Shirley Jackson Award winner Chavisa Woods, and the Indiana Jones-themed sketch show Indy Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Temple of the Doomed Ark.

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